The last time I sat to write was 2018....OMG was it really that long ago? It seems time flies when you are having fun....or when you are busy and preoccupied. In my case...I think its the latter. Let’s catch up!!
The last (nearly 2 years) have been ones of development, change, and alignment. When we talked last, I asked for your help with the CBC Searchlight Contest. I entered it on a whim and was a bit overwhelmed with the tasks involved...namely, asking for help and then....allowing myself to RECEIVE it. Trying to focus most on appreciating those who COULD help and wanted to....rather than on those who could/would not was a challenge. Its so easy to personalize stuff. The whole experience led to an emotional vulnerability hangover. I stepped back....wanting to improve my sound and also, who are we kidding... take cover. I switched back and forth..depending on the day....between....“you are delusional” and “You got this”. NO joke.
In 2019....just when I planned to reconnect.....I sustained an injured while travelling. This experience led to a resurfacing of past trauma memories and a post traumatic response. I guess any trigger that helps you clear and heal trauma is good in the end....however, the negative aspect is that I allowed this experience to silence myself further. In January, I decided to unmute myself and tell the story. (You may have caught some of this but if not, I’ll fill you in on my FB page shortly) Being silenced is not something people think of when they think of me. But...sadly....the reason I speak so loudly on some topics...is because, indeed, I have silenced myself in other areas. I needed to see this!!! My interactions with the airline reminded me of a valuable truth- what WE SAY is one thing....but true integrity is when our words align with what we DO.
“Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.” ~ Brené Brown
In the aftermath of this experience, I began to say YES to me in a bigger way and NO to things that are not aligned with my higher self. That has resulted in some awesome hellos and a few painful goodbyes. So far, I have restructured my business with plans to decrease clinical time, engaged in songwriting workshops, developed co-writing opportunities and looked at music healing initiatives that I am uniquely poised to assist with. I’ve worked on songs that are more on the ’light side’ (Single Attractive Woman) and some that are VERY deep (Thou Shalt Not Kill). I am recognizing the ways I have protected myself from ‘feeling’ over the years. I found a jar of shame hidden inside and I’ve been emptying it. I‘m getting braver :-)
As we move into February......I am reminded that this is the month to celebrate love. I’m recommitting to loving me unabashedly....and I hope you’ll do the same. Let’s relinquish self doubt and self neglect wherever it might be found.
I am getting ready to ask for your help/input again too. :-) I’d like you to help me craft my sound, expand on the topics covered in song and maybe....just maybe.....help co-write and collaborate on the music. (I know there are a lot of musicians here). For those who have already talked to me about this....lets set a date to make it happen. I also have a number of clinical projects that I have created over the years that I am ready to dust off. I’ll be looking for an editor for a book that needs publishing (The Dirty— on anxiety & depression) as well as informational wellness programs that need to be packaged and shared. Since you are one of the people who have stepped up to support me I will be looking to this group for the needed skills and collaboration FIRST. Let me know if this stuff sounds like you!!
Watch out....she’s ready to riseUP. :-) Who’s joining me?
[.....on a side note....I’ve been writing this at a garage.......the car repair that Ive been putting off since July........is complete...at the exact moment I’m ready to hit publish..........perfect timing]
Talk soon and loads of love as we roll into February 2020!
Susan. xox